And hopefully tomorrow is the day...

Hey everyone,

Well, it's Sunday night. That means that tomorrow is the earliest ETA for my earmolds and therefore my fitting with the Naidas. I am getting very excited because I should have my hearing aids this week without a doubt! I am really looking forward to having some sound again. I live in a hearing world and I need to be able to easily interact with hearing individuals. Although I can make it look easy when I communicate via speech reading and Spoken English - it is hard as hell! I get frustrated very easily, and I am exhausted by the end of the day. It takes all of my energy to negotiate my mainstream school for the afternoon. The fact that I need to take a nap after school is so frustrating for me because I am the kind of person who likes to go, go, go without distractions. I know I seem stupid for not wanting a CI, but I just can't do it. I am not against those that have them but it just doesn't seem right for me. I just want my hearing aids!

This is the first time in my entire life when I really NEED hearing aids. When I got my last set I did become quite dependent on them. I wouldn't have a conversation without them, unless it was with my audiologist. I didn't like not being able to hear what the other people were saying. I also didn't like not being able myself clearly. It was horrible! Luckily I never had to go without them. Now I have been in silence for one month. It was one month today that I went to see my audiologist and we did that audiogram that revealed the profound loss. It was one month today that I sat in waiting rooms for several hours, to see several doctors, who all told me several times that there was nothing they could do. It was a month today that my hearing aids stopped helping me. Now a month later, I am still waiting for my new aids and frustrated beyond belief.

In this past month I have almost dropped out of school, almost moved back to Kingston, almost quit life in general, and then pulled myself back up out of sheer determination to over come whatever is placed infront of me. I have seen more doctors than I can count on both hands in the last month. I have had 5 audiograms done in the past four weeks, and had more people look in my ears than I can count on both hands AND feet. I finally called all of the doctors appointments off and low and behold my stress levels greatly reduced and I was able to refocus my life. I have redirected my energy to deciding on a Univeristy, and finishing highschool.

I think everything is starting to come together and slow down a bit for me, which is more than good. I need a breather for at least a week! Once I get my aids that should be able to happen. I can't wait calmly for them much longer! I hope I get them tomorrow, but it's me. So I won't. I know it though, so it's okay. This week, if I can just get them this week - Please, this week. Please.

-Jenny