The notion of the binary is something that is often challenged in the discussion of identity. Many binary scales are opposed in anti-oppression frameworks, perhaps the most famous and common being the gender binary of male and female followed by the race related binary of black and white. However, one binary that I rarely find challenged is that of Deaf and deaf.
I have a strong Deaf identity and I have valued roots in the Deaf community. At the same time, I have roots in the Hearing community as well, coming from a Hearing family in a Hearing community. My Deaf identity is not on a binary scale but rather a fluid forever changing entity that exists within me.
On a recent trip to my hometown of Kingston I began thinking more about my identity. To my friends and family in Kingston I am not Deaf. No matter how much I tell them about my Deaf community, my Deaf friends, and my beloved language - ASL - I will never be Deaf to them. They never get a glimpse into my Deaf life and subsequently into my prioritized identity. In Kingston, I am deaf. I am oral and ASL is simply a three letter phrase that holds little meaning. For my friends and family to even begin to conceptualize that I use a completely separate language 90% of the time is impossible.
As I got onto the train this afternoon to return back to Toronto I automatically switched back to my culturally Deaf identity and away from my oral deaf identity. I turned off my voice and stopped lip-reading, communicating mainly through notes and gesture. Upon my arrival in Toronto I will reunite with my Deaf friends and community and for the first time in 5 days my hands will be back at home doing what they do best - communicating!
The difference with my Deaf identity in Toronto is that my community and the people I interact with, for the most part, can conceptualize and understand my counter identity. They can imagine me speaking and interacting with the hearing world using their language, because for most of them it is their lived reality too. I have some people in my life who may not be able to see the deaf side but I am sure most of them can.
Within myself I can see both sides at all times. I am constantly aware of the binary scale that I am supposed to adhere to at any given moment. The thought of me living in both realities at once terrifies me as I envision what my separate worlds would do as they collide. Would there be an explosion? A war? Or maybe they would shake hands and get to know one another? It is impossible to say what would happen as my two worlds collide in what would quite possibly be an epic moment which perhaps would create a new solar system for my identity to explore.
In May the true test will become a reality as my Deaf friends and I make a journey to Kingston for a three day get away from the city. My worlds will meet, mingle, and perhaps even mix and that will be the true test of the strength of my identities. Which one will prevail in such a volatile environment? Even I am not sure how to answer that question and we will have to wait and see.
Music Time
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Miss Kat has been using her CIs to enjoy the world around her. She is so
into music and has had the opportunity to do some really awesome things in
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4 weeks ago
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4 comments:
I've heard it so many times, but I still have a hard time believing that hearing parents and siblings of a deaf person wouldn't want to at least try and learn sign. It's like standing by a ladder by a big wall and never once having enough curiosity about what's on the other side to climb up and look over it.
very good comments...many Deafies are too hung up on either/or thinking, rather than both/and thinking, which is being both Deaf and deaf at the SAME TIME, and this is not an easy way to think, since one can be Deaf for 2 minutes, then all of a sudden be deaf for the next two minutes, it is ALL about situation, perception, context, culture, etc.
similar issues occur for hh people who are Deaf/deaf depending on the situation, yes, we exist, we're mostly invisible to Deaf/deaf people, smile!! for example even though I use a hearing aid all the time for hearing people and live/work in Hearing culture I call mySELF Deaf but I'm also deaf or hh at other times.
found your blog through alldeaf.com cuz I was also suggested the Naida hearing aid. :)
will read your blog more after work etc.
thanks for blogging etc. :) :)
@sazji: many possible reasons why parents/sibs don't learn: 1) age/inflexibility; 2) time; 3) distance; 4) lack of language immersion opportunities, etc. etc. list goes on and on, and yes, one can say they are making excuses, but Deaf/deaf people make the same excuses for not learning written English and becoming fluent therein, sucky/crappy deaf schools' educational system notwithstanding. Even LESS excuse for Deafies not to be fluent in written English, IMNSHO. :) :) and english opens up the internet, texting, etc.
Dear JennyB,
Your blog is awesome. I really relate. I have never had much contact with any of the deaf community and other hard of hearing folk. I grew up with parents that did not think being born with one ear was significant enough to warrant any special sort of accommodation or action. They did enroll me in speech therapy for four years. It baffled my parents that I could not speak correctly. I was never given the option to learn to sign either. My parents, the uptight mainstream
suburbanites they were, are still, to this day, in complete denial
of my "old one ear" deafness (hard of hearing I'm not sure how to
put it without offending anyone.)
I read a book I think you'd really like, it is called:
"Mean Little Deaf Queer" by Terry Galloway, and it is absolutely amazing. She has a chapter on little-d deaf and Big-D Deaf. Sort of what this post touches on.
Great blog, again.
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