And then I had two ears...

Hey all,

I went to my audiologists today to get my new left earmold! I am happy! I have two ears again! I guess I had two ears before too, with the temporary mold but I didn't use it very much. It was quite incomfortable.

Although having two aids again is a good things, I am not free from hearing aid related challenges yet...My right aid seems to turn it's self on and off as it feels it is necessary-which is far more often thatn I feel is necessary! It is frustrating. I will be in the middle of a conversation and then *BAM* silence. A minute or so later I here the little "doo doo doooo doot!" to let me know it is on again. It is annoying as sin! I asked my audologist about it today and she changed some stuff to see if it would help, and then I was walking down Church St. with one of my friends and silence. I don't get it. I sent my audiologist an email asking if she could program my left aid for my right ear and my right aid for my left ear until we have it figured out. I don't use my left ear so it is okay if that one turns on and off. My right ear I need!

I also talked to her about school stuff. I hate the school stuff. I don't want to talk about it right now, so I won't.

I just want this all to be over! I was reading over some of my old journal entries in my personal journal. I read the one from the first day I met with this audiologist. I found it kind of entertaining...

"I had an appointment with an audiologist today. I had another hearing test and as I
suspected my hearing has dropped. I had impressions taken for earmolds and ordered new
hearing aids and everything. I should have them in two weeks. I hate having to admit that
I need them, and I hate having to work with an audiologist again. I hate audiologists! Oh
well, I will only need to see her like 3 times. Once today, once for the initial hearing aid
fitting, and then once for a follow up fitting. This is a good thing because she was super
patronizing! She talked to me like I was a five year old, who knew nothing. She also looks
like she is fresh out of school, which often translates to being inexperienced, and not
knowledgable. I do not like her at all. I am not going to be bothered trying to find someone I
do like though because I only need to see her twice more. Then I can find someone else in
future. I can deal for now!'

I think that is so funny! I use that audiologist still and I love her! I wouldn't trade her for the world. She is the best audiologist I have ever worked with. Funny how people change when you give them a chance. I don't think she was actually patronizing -I think I made her out to be in my head. Although she is young, and fresh out of school, if she doesn't know something she will research it and talk to be people. I think I have come to value a willingness to learn in the medical professionals I deal with. I think it is much better than to have someone who thinks they know everything! I also find it funny that I was so insistant that there would only be three appointments, and it would be fine. I had appointment number 17 today. We have also emailed each other back and forth at least once a week since that initial appointment. It really is a good thing I don't hate her anymore!

Anyway that is enough for tonight!

-Jenny

And then I was sick...

Hey all,

The good news is that last week my audiologist gave me a temporary earmold for me to use while I was waiting for a new one. The bad news is that I got a very bad ear infection so I couldn't use my hearing aids anyway. Thankfully the ear infection is cleared up now, but in it's place I now have a tonsil infection. I also had an allergic reaction to the amoxacillin that the doctor gave me. I have never been allergic to it in the past. It kind of sucks that I am now allergic to penacillin based anti-biotics because I am also allergic to sulfa based anti-biotics. Having allergies to both sulfa and penacillin bascially ensures me having to pay a lot for anti-biotics because I can't use any of the common ones. It goes nicely with my luck.

I get my new earmold this Wednesday and it is also my follow up appointment for the Naidas. I don't think there are many adjustments to be made which is nice. I do need to discuss some stuff with my audiologist though. School is getting harder, I don't know how much longer I can pretend that I can follow along. I don't know how much longer I can fake my way through the conversations and the academic settings. It is hard, I get tired, and I don't know how much longer I can pretend that I understand everything. My audiologist is aware of the problems with school and said she wants to talk about it when I go in on Wednesday. Hopefully she will have some ideas or answers for me.

Even with the frustration I am still holding my ground on the cochlear implant choice. It isn't going to happen, as least now. Maybe in the far off future I would consider but right now, not a chance.

Anyway I am sick, and want to sleep. I will update after my appointment on Wednesday.

-Jenny

And then there was the good...

Hey all,

The good has started to come rapidly from the aids! I have been wearing them despite the discomfort caused by the earmold because I love them! Last night, after only having them for 48 hours, I was in a board meeting and I was starting to hear words! What I was seeing and what I was hearing were starting to match up! It was awesome! Then today I went to school and the other students and my teachers told me that my own voice sounded 110% better!

None of this came without work though. Since I got them I have been watching so many news broadcasts so I can read the person and hear them. I have been working harder at this than anything else in my life! I have been working on my own speech to. Working on making it sound the same as other peoples. I am so excited to go to my audiologist tomorrow and see what she says about my speech! It will be the true test! Yay!

That being said, tomorrow I am going to get another impression done for a new mold for my left ear. She is also sending the mold that I have now back. This means no left hearing aid for an undefined period of time. Last time it took two weeks to get my news molds. This is not good. I have become very dependent on my aids in a very short period of time. I need the sounds. I think I can use the right one alone provided I don't try to walk, or drive with just the one. If I am sitting I don't get to dizzy or off balance feeling. I am hoping I can still use the right one at school, work, in mettings, and so on until I get the left mold back. I don't think I am getting much from the left aid anyway. My thresholds are much worse in that ear. I am mostly getting some environmental sound from it with the aid. It helps with balance too. I walk like a drunk person if I only wear one. Hopefully the earmold situation can be rectified sooner rather than later!

Yay for new hearing aids!

-Jenny

And then there was pain...

Hey all,

In true Jenny style things are no longer going smoothly with the aids. The left earmold hurts. There is definitely a pressure point or two. I went to my audiologists office today and she filed it down a bit but it is still hurting so she wants me to get a new earmold. This means going in, doing another impression, and waiting even more! I hope she lets me keep the earmolds I have now until I get the new one. I really like my hearing aids and thus far I have had great success with them! I really don't want to have to go without them again. AH! I am turning into one of those hearing aid dependent people that I always vowed I would never be! Hopefully I can get in to see my audiologist soon and do the new impression, get earmolds that fit, and then move on in my hearind aid journey.

I sometimes wonder how my life would be different if my ears were fully functioning. It would certainly be very different. Would it be better? I don't know...

-Jenny

And then I had my aids...

Hey everyone!

I have my new hearing aids! I am sooo happy! I went today at 2:45 and got them! It was nice because my audiologist had already done all of the programming so it really reduced my appointment time.

It has been a month since I last had aids and I am over joyed to have them again! I have Naida V UltraPowers and so far they are pretty good!

I can hear people speaking but it isn't speech. Basically I am hearing sounds but they don't make sense and/or words. I understand that that might take time, up to three months or so I have been told. That being said, when I listen to a song or something that I know I can pick out words here and there.

I was at a group meeting tonight and there were about 20 people there. I was able to tell which direction the sounds were coming from and therefore easily identify the speaker and read them. That being said, the since I am only getting sounds it is very difficult to speech read. I find myself focusing a lot more on it, and asking people to repeat themselves more often. Hopefully this will improve with time.

I also seem to be having some feedback problems. Though I can't hear it, those around me can. I have been asked a few times now why my head is squeeling.

Nothing sounds the same as it did with my old aids. I don't know how much of this is the Naidas, and how much is my current hearing thresholds. I will talk to my audi about that next time I see her.

Over all I am fairly happy with the aids! If anything I am getting environmental sounds which was all I really wanted. They are keepers for sure!

-Jenny

And then it was the day...

Hey y'all!

Well today is the day! I am going at 2:45 to get my new hearing aids, the Naidas! Yay! I would love to write more about how excited I am but I have a job interview soon to so I have to go! But YAY!

-Jenny

And then there was one more day...

Hi all,

Well, one more day went by in my life without hearing aids. I did get an email from my audiologist this evening though saying that my earmolds would be in her office tomorrow at 10:00am and she would email me as soon as she gets them to arrange for me to go in and get the aids! That is something at least! I was driving when I got the email (via my BlackBerry) and I was so excited I emailed her back right away and nearly killed myself and several other people. I am going to take that lesson and learn not to text, or email people while driving. Anyway, hopefully I will get the aids tomorrow, if not before the end of the week.

I had a bit of a rough day. I just really want my hearing aids! For most people who have a profound loss, or even severe loss, their lives stop without their aids. I am lucky enough to have the skills to get by without them. My speech reading abilities are superb and I speak quite well too. That has made this month of silence a bit better. At least I am not condemned to a life of solitude without them! I am forced to work 100 times harder to communicate though. There is only so much complaining about not having hearing aids that I can possibly subject a person to. I think this is enough for tonight. We shall see what happens tomorrow!

-Jenny

Edit: "For most people who have a profound loss, or even severe loss, their lives stop without their aids"- let me clarify by saying oral people with a profound or severe hearing loss.

And hopefully tomorrow is the day...

Hey everyone,

Well, it's Sunday night. That means that tomorrow is the earliest ETA for my earmolds and therefore my fitting with the Naidas. I am getting very excited because I should have my hearing aids this week without a doubt! I am really looking forward to having some sound again. I live in a hearing world and I need to be able to easily interact with hearing individuals. Although I can make it look easy when I communicate via speech reading and Spoken English - it is hard as hell! I get frustrated very easily, and I am exhausted by the end of the day. It takes all of my energy to negotiate my mainstream school for the afternoon. The fact that I need to take a nap after school is so frustrating for me because I am the kind of person who likes to go, go, go without distractions. I know I seem stupid for not wanting a CI, but I just can't do it. I am not against those that have them but it just doesn't seem right for me. I just want my hearing aids!

This is the first time in my entire life when I really NEED hearing aids. When I got my last set I did become quite dependent on them. I wouldn't have a conversation without them, unless it was with my audiologist. I didn't like not being able to hear what the other people were saying. I also didn't like not being able myself clearly. It was horrible! Luckily I never had to go without them. Now I have been in silence for one month. It was one month today that I went to see my audiologist and we did that audiogram that revealed the profound loss. It was one month today that I sat in waiting rooms for several hours, to see several doctors, who all told me several times that there was nothing they could do. It was a month today that my hearing aids stopped helping me. Now a month later, I am still waiting for my new aids and frustrated beyond belief.

In this past month I have almost dropped out of school, almost moved back to Kingston, almost quit life in general, and then pulled myself back up out of sheer determination to over come whatever is placed infront of me. I have seen more doctors than I can count on both hands in the last month. I have had 5 audiograms done in the past four weeks, and had more people look in my ears than I can count on both hands AND feet. I finally called all of the doctors appointments off and low and behold my stress levels greatly reduced and I was able to refocus my life. I have redirected my energy to deciding on a Univeristy, and finishing highschool.

I think everything is starting to come together and slow down a bit for me, which is more than good. I need a breather for at least a week! Once I get my aids that should be able to happen. I can't wait calmly for them much longer! I hope I get them tomorrow, but it's me. So I won't. I know it though, so it's okay. This week, if I can just get them this week - Please, this week. Please.

-Jenny

And the waiting continues....

Hey all,

Last week I emailed my audiologist to see what was up with the Naidas. I was getting very anxious to get them because their success or failure will dictate my choices for Univeristy next year. My audiologist emailed me back saying that though she had the aids in her office, the new earmolds weren't there yet. She said that she called the person making the molds who said that he would get them to her on Monday, or Tuesday at the latest. With my recent luck this means I should hopefully get them by next Friday. Pardon my pessemism.

In other news I have started ASL classes. I am taking a beginner class because it was all that was available. That being said I am also exhausted by the end of the school day and I don't think I could honestly keep up with learning anything by that time of night. I am really enjoying the class though! It is easy yes, but the teacher is great and I am learning stuff from signing with her. It is great to be in a situation when I don't need to talk or speech read for 3 hours once a week. For once communication is equal for me and hearing people. It is wonderful!

I guess my recent happiness relating to ASL class, evens out my recent despaire regarding my hearing aids. Hopefully I will get them soon!

-Jenny

And then there was more waiting...

Hey everyone!

Well good news, and not so good news. The not so good news is that I now don't get the hearing aids until the end of the week. The good news is that I got to try them for about 15 minutes yesterday and I heard my audiologist speak! It was awesome! That being said I couldn't tell what she was saying without speech reading too. It was just sound, it wasn't speech. Everything sounded really muffled, and mumbly. But hey! I heard something! Both the Phonak rep that was there, and my audiologist said that my ability to understand the sound should improve with time and practice.

My audiologist also took impressions for new earmolds. I am really hoping that there is a more hypo-allergenic soft material that we can use because I really don't want hard molds. They are uncomfortable, or at least I think so.

Why can't I just have fully functioning ears? If they can't hear things for me the least they could do is not be allergic to things trying to help me. That would be simple though, and it is me that we are talking about. Anyway, I am anxiously awaiting the end of the week! I want these new hearing aids!

-Jenny